Memories

Well it's been 2 weeks today since Justin broke up with me. I took him his stuff the Friday after we broke up and I was at his apartment for 2 hours. He still kissed me and told me he loved me- how weird huh? Yeah he was hugging on me and everything. He told me that he just doesn't want to be with anyone and if he did then he would still be with me. And he told me we would still hang out and stuff and kinda be friends with benefits...yeah ok. So I haven't really even talked to him since that night! He said he needs his time to himself right now so he can figure things out with his life. Wow where have I heard that before? hmm...yeah but unfortunately I really miss him! I hate that I fell in love with him...this is what I was so scared of-I knew he would have the power to break my heart but I still trusted him with it ya know...big mistake there I guess cuz he really broke my heart. And now I don't even know what to do. Last week was Thanksgiving break so I was at daddy and momma's all week so I didn't really notice that I wasn't spending any time with Justin. But now that I'm back at school I feel so lost like I'm so used to calling him at certain times and going and seeing him on certain days and now I don't. I'm not call him anymore, if he wants to talk to me then he can call me. yeah I'm really sure that's gonna happen. I don't think he even cares anymore. I wish I didn't. I was looking at my old comments on myspace from Justin and he really has changed. He left me this one day: "i love you too sweetie, youre the absolute best thing in the whole world to me, and i mean that with all my heart." And I remember he used to call me all the time while I was at school and leave me messages telling me I was gorgeous and I should hear that everyday and just telling me to have a good day. He used to be so sweet and that's the guy I fell in love with. I wish I could still have that guy. I love him.

Drama-Again

Well Justin broke up with me again last night! He's so ridiculous! He really doesn't make any sense. Like I was with him all weekend and we were fine. I spent like $50 on him cuz he told me he didn't have any and he'd pay me back and I trusted him and I love him so I did it for him. Then I called him last night and we were talking and everything was fine. We were joking around about stuff and then he started being mean to me, which is starting to become a usual thing for him now, and I was like quit being so mean to me I didn't even do anything and he was just like no whatever. I was like I'm serious I'm tired of you being so mean to me and then like out of no where he's like its over. I was like are you serious he's like yeah I was like no really don't mess with me. He was like I'm not, I don't wanna be with anyone, I don't wanna be with you anymore. And I started crying and he started yelling at me and was like don't you start crying. I was like what do you expect me to do you're breaking up with me. I was like why are you doing this to me again and he was like I don't have to give you an explanation. I was like please tell me you're just joking. He was like it's over we're done! and just hung up on me! and we haven't talked since! He's so stupid! I'm just wondering if he was on something last night. All weekend he was messed up on pills and being drunk. And I still stayed with him. I didn't even care cuz being with him was more important than that to me but I guess it wasn't enough. Guess we're really not meant to be together which really sucks cuz I really wanted to marry him. But I guess I'm not good enough for him!

No Worries

Well me and Justin are still together and we're doing good. He's living with Jorge now. Barry left Tammy and kicked them all out. So that really sucks. He's really torn up about it. I can't believe Barry left them. He's such a jerk. But whatever. But I think he likes living with Jorge better than living at home. I kinda like it better. I don't have to worry about his parents making me leave at 9:30pm...well that was Barry really not Tammy. He was too tough on everyone. But anyways.....so I stayed at Justin and Jorge's apartment this weekend. It was fun I guess. All they do is get drunk and crap. But whatever it's better than being at school. Oh, so me and Ley went to Opry Mills Friday night and met 2 guys. They're really sweet. Kris and Mike-are they're names. They're in the army. Kris is fixing to be 22 and Mike is 21. So we hung out with them while we were at the mall. Kris has been texting me and calling me all weekend. He's pretty cool and I talked to Justin and he doesn't even care if I talk to him. He's like I trust you and I love you and I want you to have fun. I spent like $50 on Justin this weekend cuz he couldn't get any money out of his account till today. But he said he'll pay me back and he better I don't have much money left. But it's ok I mean I love him so much so I don't mind doing this for him. He means everything to me and I really wanna be with him forever. I just hope he always feels like that too. But anyways......I think I'm gonna go to bed. Justin was supposed to call me but he hasn't of course....oh well...I'm not worried about that kinda stuff anymore. But I'm gonna call him and tell him goodnight :) lol!

Wow

The past few days have been really stressful for me thanks to Justin breaking up with me and all. -we started dating Feb. 9, 2006 and I've fallen head over heels for him- I lost 5-6 pounds in like 4-5 days. I cried myself to sleep a few nights and almost decided to just give up on Justin-see he told me we were breaking up temporarily that we would get back together but he needed some time to himself cuz he wanted his freedom to do whatever he wanted but he wanted me to wait for him while he was doing all this crap....he told me I could date other people that we were broke up so really I could do whatever I wanted but I didn't wanna date other people and I really didn't want him dating other people and he said he wasn't going to. So I came home Saturday and left for school this morning at like 615 so the on the drive back I'm sittin there thinking maybe I should just give up on him, maybe we really aren't supposed to be together, maybe I should just leave him alone completely so he can really have his space. So I decided to give him till the end of the week and if he hadn't figured out what he was doing by then, then I was gonna tell him flat out that he needed to make up his mind now...that I wasn't waiting anymore. I couldn't keep puttin myself through that everyday...I couldn't hardly eat, I cried all the time, I couldn't focus-it wasn't fair to me. But I called him this morning to talk to him about my stepmom's reasons for us breaking which are totally not true...someone made some crap up and I'm sure it was my stepmom...if she doesn't understand whats going on or things don't go the way she thinks they should she changes the story or adds to the story. But we were talking about it and he was like it doesn't even matter anymore cuz I miss you and I want you back now! I was in total shock! I couldn't believe it and I asked him if he was being serious....I was like ask me then and he asked me back out.. so we're back together! thank God. I really love him so much and I can't stand being without him. So I skipped the rest of my classes to go see him. I can't believe how much I've missed him in like 5 days....I don't mean like missed seeing him like I missed him as my boyfriend, missed knowing that he was mine and only mine and I was his, I missed the feeling of knowing that he wanted me all to himself, I missed the way he kisses me, and the was he always looks into my eyes and tells me "the reason we're so good together is because you are everything I'm not - you complete me", I missed everything about him! I love him so much and I'm so glad we're back together!!!!